The sleek, single ~ Bloomington, IN - The City of Bloomington has announced its latest and most ambitious project yet - the Bloomington Monorail. This elevated, solar-powered transit line will connect downtown to various destinations such as the campus, Trades District, Switchyard Park, and more.

According to city officials, the sleek and futuristic monorail promises to reduce congestion and cut commute times while adding a unique flair to Bloomington's skyline. Passengers can look forward to onboard announcements narrated by a holographic Hoagy Carmichael and complimentary B-Line binoculars for breathtaking views of limestone rooftops and urban deer.

"This is a significant moment for Bloomington," stated an unnamed city official while sipping locally roasted coffee from a mason jar. "The Monorail embodies our community's values of innovation, connectivity, and mild-to-moderate quirkiness."

Initially, the city had considered constructing underground catacombs to address pedestrian safety concerns. However, after receiving public feedback that there were already enough murals in Bloomington, this idea was ultimately abandoned. Officials noted that while underground walkways scored high in terms of safety, the Monorail was deemed the most feasible option.

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To offset any potential negative reactions to the monorail project, the city plans to plant 1,776 trees specifically chosen for their ability to absorb sarcasm. Additionally, one poplar tree will be planted for every online comment ending in "Bloomington has changed."

In keeping with Bloomington's tradition of community involvement and transparency, there will be a six-week public input process for the Monorail project. All planning documents will also be made available in both PDF and haiku format.

While construction is expected to begin soon, there are still some minor hurdles that need to be overcome such as physics, zoning restrictions, and reality itself.

The City would like to remind residents that this announcement is meant to be lighthearted and wishes everyone a joyful, mildly confusing, and thoroughly Happy April Fool's Day. Although the Monorail may not be a real project, the City's commitment to a more connected, creative, and multimodal Bloomington is no joke.

For more information on the Monorail project, please contact the Office of the Mayor at 812-349-3406 or comms@bloomington.in.gov.

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